And Now For a Somber Post...

I am sitting here typing this, hoping that I don't have to hit "publish post" any time soon, or ever.

It's November 4 and the 2009 season has just ended with the Phillies two wins short of a second straight world championship.

Despite the bitterness that every fan feels right now, I think it's important to take a step back and consider just how lucky we are to have a team like this. This team fought all season long to get back to the World Series. They were not perfect. They had holes. They endured an awful slump in June, though never dropped out of first place during that stretch. And they were dealt with the loss of a great friend, Harry Kalas, early on in the season.

Speaking of HK, hard to believe we lost him during this baseball season. It seems like so long ago we were stunned that Monday afternoon, April 13, with the news that Harry collapsed and died in the press box in Washington D.C. And it seems like ages ago when Citizens Bank Park hosted that moving memorial five days later for Philadelphia's most loved broadcaster.

There were definitely times when the team needed High Hopes to win a game, win a series, and they came through many of those times. Those two words, High Hopes, best define the 2009 season for the Phils. One of my favorite moments of the season occurred on the day Harry passed away. Before the game that day, several Phillies lit up a cigarette and passed it around the dugout in honor of HK, who had a bit of a smoking habit. Just one example of why this team is so easy to like.

Stats and records don't explain how special this Phillies team is. So I won't even go there. We know Ryan can hit bombs. We know Cliff can pitch lights out. And we know Chooch can inspire a nickname for the month of October.

What I can do is remind you of the fact that it's November 4 and the Phillies season just ended. So think back to last winter when pitchers and catchers reported to Clearwater. Think back to last April when we re-lived a championship with a ring ceremony at the Ballpark. Think about the fact that last spring we had visions of back-to-back championships. And remember that those visions disappeared only a few minutes ago.

It was a great year. Full of High Hopes.

Whatever Happened To Joe Piscopo For New Jersey Governor?

It's been fun watching the developments of the New Jersey governor's race over the last few months. Governor Jon Corzine and Republican challenger Chris Christie are at each other's throats. After all, what better way to show how deserving a candidate you are than by telling us about how the other guy doesn't pay his taxes? And gets away with it! Well guess what. If I ever hit high status, it's goodbye taxes. And while I'm on the subject, goodbye paying for food, too. That shit adds up. + 1 Christie for using his power to his advantage.

Admittedly, I don't know enough about either to speak to their politics. I wish I followed them more closely because, technically, I'm still a NJ resident despite not living there for over two years.

I can say, though, that my life has pretty much gone downhill since 2006, Corzine's first year in office. But, to be honest, that pattern is due largely in part to it being my first full year out of school. I was a few months in to my first full-time job when Corzine took office. So my life was already headed in the wrong direction. Waking up early every day, unable to sleep late on the weekends, realizing I couldn't bring random women back to my parent's house, STUDENT LOANS! +1 Corzine for not negatively affecting my life.

To his credit, and again this is loose observation, Corzine seems to tell it like it is. He basically has said that yes, NJ is fucked right now and you residents are going to have to pay to make it all better. Do you have a better idea? +1 Corzine for keeping it real.

The fact that Corzine hasn't come up with a better alternative to raising taxes is probably why Christie leads in the polls with a few weeks to go until election day. And as The New York Times points out, Corzine's Wall Street resume doesn't help him in these challenging economic times. -1 Corzine for somehow causing the economic downturn.

One thing is for sure about Corzine, though. If he does lose, he won't go out with as big a bang as this guy. - 1 Corzine for what's sure to be a weak exit. Also, this awkward negative ad could have been more creative:



It would have been alot better if the picture in the background was of a dog wearing a tuxedo or of Tracy Morgan. +1 Christie for clapping and -1 Corzine for failing to make this ad even funnier than it already is.

Well Hello There Thomas Jones

The first Sunday of the NFL season is complete and we learned a few things:

• Jay Cutler stinks. Good luck with that Chicago.

• Jake Delhomme likes throwing the ball to the other team. Thank you for that, Jake.

• And lastly, Houston knows how to give a warm and friendly welcome to its opponents.
  

You see folks, Eagles fans aren't the only ones who know how to point their middle fingers in the direction of opposing players.

This Summer: A Recap

With the dog days upon us, I felt it appropriate to do a quick review of what's gone down during the summer of '09 so far. Plus, I haven't posted in a while and I'm bored as ish with the Phillies off tonight. So here I go.

Famous people deaths and rain.

That's actually pretty much it. MJ, Farrah, Air McNair, Ed McMahon, Walter Cronkite, Jon and Kate (just being optimistic) and some others have all bounced. And it rained alot in June here in Philadelphia.

What's that? Why don't I write about how awesome a time I've had this summer?

Let's see.

I had a two-week long cold that allowed me to celebrate America's birthday in the comfort of my home while everyone else had a super Saturday and holiday all in one. I've attended 0 Phillies games since May. In fact, the one Phils game I attended this season happens to be Jack Taschner's only win as a Phillie. He sucks. I've had practically no beach time. Dead whales have spent more time on the sand than I have this summer.

I'd have to say the top highlights of my summer include completing two loads of laundry in one day, cleaning my room and reading half a book. Oh and watching this.

So far though, August is looking much better. I opened the month with a kick-ass wedding and my week-long vacation is just around the corner. Look out dead whale, I'm coming to get you!

By the way, Phil Hartman was a better Ed McMahon than Ed McMahon was. Just sayin.

Sorry for using the phrase "kick-ass" in this post.

Fan Misbehavior North Of the Border, Again!

To Toronto we go (again) for this installment of Fan Misbehavior.

It's clear to me now that Blue Jay fans enjoy throwing things in the direction of baseball fields. A few months after beer sales were banned because of an incident on Opening Day, Torontonians (???) were at it again this week when two classy women threw beers at Rays CF B.J. Upton. (It's worth noting B.J.'s real name is Melvin. What a nerd! Also, I love parentheses.)

From the story on Yahoo Sports:
At any rate, real baseball fans know that beer is for drinking, not throwing, and the sooner the majority of respectable Jays fans impart this knowledge to their bozo brothers (and, uh, sisters), the better off all of us will be.

Amen brosef.

Now of course I noticed this Yahoo writer took a poke at Philly fans in his lead. So to that I say quit being a douche dude.

Questioning Obama's Priorities

I read this story by Christine Flowers of the Philadelphia Daily News the other day and it got me thinking. Does President Obama have his priorities in order?

Flowers leads with a quick list of important issues the Obama administration is currently faced with: North Korea preparing to set the Western world ablaze, some election thingy in Iran, and sick people in the U.S. And of course the subject of Flowers' story is the pressure the gay community is putting on the President to allow benefits for same-sex couples.

Whether or not you agree with Flowers' position, I think she is forgetting something even more important than anything written in her story: the fact that we cannot buy The Wonder Years on DVD.

Pretty ridiculous, right? More than 16 years after the airing of the series finale, the best show in TV history cannot be purchased.

Because of the high costs of securing music rights, the show was never released as official season box sets. Only two "best of" DVD's of The Wonder Years exist, minus the awesome music from the original episodes, which helped make the show as good as it was.

What makes this even worse is that I can't find syndicated episodes anywhere. It's like how China censors the internet, only way bigger. Why are our leaders depriving us of Kevin and his Jets jacket?

America needs to change its priorities. America needs more Winnie Cooper and it needs her now. Let's start the revolution.

Take 28: Paul Dunn Drops A Knowledge Bomb About Bank-Owned Property

I've been on a mission the last few months to buy my first ever house. And by "on a mission," I mean googling such phrases as "how to buy a house," "what is a foreclosure" and "will Obama physically hand me $8,000."

This video is one search result that I'll watch over and over again because it's full of helpful information. The star, Paul Dunn, should pursue a career in acting.



Spit it out Paul. We don't have all day.

Are You Smoking Yet?

I caught this retro-ish full-page ad while flipping through the May 18th issue of Sports Illustrated (ManRam on the cover). I don't know about you, but seeing these two lovebirds makes me want to smoke an entire pack of Newport cigarettes in 6 minutes. They seem so happy together during their daytime bike ride on grass.

It also looks like the guy has a hand growing out of his neck, which makes this even more awesome.

Questioning My Manhood

I attended the Opening Night performance of The Producers this week at the Walnut Street Theater. Up until then, the only knowledge I had of the show came from season four of Curb Your Enthusiasm, when Mel Brooks casts Larry David for the lead role- Max Bialystock. Hilarity ensues (gets good at the 7:00 mark of the Curb clip).

But I don't need to write about how good the show I saw this week was. It's been around for 40 years. Obviously, someone likes it.

What I really need to get out there in the blogosphere is that I'm a scared young lad. That's two theater shows for me in two months and another just a few days away. I'm way above my average of seeing 0 shows per year.

Why do I have this sudden urge to break out in song when talking about casual things like what I'm going to eat for lunch or how our online advertising performed last quarter?

Help.

Dallas Mavs And Denver Nuggets Don't Get Along

Wow. Two consecutive days with NBA posts. Pigs of the non-swine-flu-infected-kind must be flying everywhere.

This series has turned nasty and it seems as though Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin are the ones driving the angry bus:

It seems that things at the American Airlines Center were actually much uglier than we realized last night. In addition to Vazquez, Maverick fans got into shouting matches with Kenyon Martin's mom (there was even a report that someone threw a beer on her) and Martin's girlfriend, Trina. Martin himself was distracted by the incidents during the game and a Denver assistant actually went into the stands during the game to check on their own fans.

I didn't know Carmelo is engaged to that annoying chick from MTV- for four years! Seriously dude just marry the broad already.

NBA Playoff Beer Muscles Out In Full Force

Lotta extracurricular activity going on during these NBA Playoffs and I'm not sure how I feel about it. And as the linked article points out, the officials are confused, too.

On the one hand, I enjoy physical basketball. They don't call me The Worm for nothing. But I get the sense that many of today's players care more about how they're perceived than winning. Translation: most of them can't deal with a little foul here and there and have to be the tough guy when their chest is gently grazed by an opponent's elbow (sounds sexy).

This certainly isn't the first year there's been scuffles in the playoffs, though.

The classic battles between the Bulls, Knicks and Pacers during the Jordan Years come to mind. Reggie Miller, John Starks, and Dennis Rodman- some people may think they were punks. I think their physicality stemmed from their genuine passion for winning.

Going back even earlier to the Bad Boys of Detroit- Bill Lambier, Isaiah Thomas, Rick Mahorn, Rodman. The only way that Pistons team could win a championship was by beating up its opponents. And it worked. They played the game that way because they had to. How else can you beat the Jordans, the Birds and the Magic Johnsons?

Going back to the point I made earlier, I think alot of what we're seeing during these playoffs is fake. The elbows to the head, the slaps across the face, the running through picks- none of it is necessary.

I will say, however, that I enjoy watching Ron Artest. He is one of the few NBA stars who works hard on both ends of the court (and sometimes in the stands). He plays defense, he rebounds and he won't be pushed around.

And that's Artest's game. Unfortunately, many others don't realize that kind of game isn't for everyone.

Can't believe I just wrote that much about the NBA. I don't even like it. Or do I? Damn now I'm confused. Knicks suck.

I Closed Out the Spectrum With a Little Help From My Friend Bruce

"...fuckin history makin..."- Bruce Springsteen, ultimate American, coolest dude ever.

I finally saw Boss live and he and the E Street Band did not disappoint in their last show ever at the Spectrum. A near three hour, 26 song set complete with such classics as Spirit In the Night, Born To Run and Thunder Road had the Spectrum crowd rocking out all night. They even covered The Clash's London Calling. Great night for both the young and old Springsteen fans.

For future trivia, Bruce's final song at the Spectrum: Kitty's Back.

Bruce is confirmation that New Jersey is better than the other 49 sorry excuses for states.

Fun With Nittany Lions

My better half went to Penn State and she claims it's the greatest place on earth. So, thanks to her invitation, I went back to school last weekend and made my first trip to Happy Valley for Penn State's annual Blue-White Weekend. I told everyone I met that Michigan and Ohio State don't even know what Penn State is. Penn Staters don't like to hear things like that.

It was the perfect weather weekend to be out and about. We checked in Friday afternoon at the beautiful and luxurious Days Inn. Ate dinner at the Corner Room. Had dessert at the famous Creamery. Got our drank on Friday night at the G-Man and Dark Horse. Friday night consisted of several shots of alcohol, which is what probably lead my friend to hop on one of those hotel luggage carts and ride it down a flight of stairs, proceeding to break his face. Yikes.

On Saturday, with the stomach still feeling the effects of Friday night, I managed to only eat a hot dog and a salad all day. Good nutrition right there. I walked to Beaver Stadium to catch some of the Blue-White game. After the game, I went to Mad Mex to watch the Flyers lose to Pittsburgh with a bunch of folks from PA's left coast. Worst. We then moved on to Cafe 210, where we hawked out a table outside and stayed there all night.

It was a solid weekend in State College, PA. I'll be mailing my undergraduate application shortly. Hmm. 25-year-old undergrad. Creepy or awesome?

April Heat Waves Can Suck It

Worst night of sleep ever last night. I opted not to install my window unit air conditioner last night, given that it's only freakin April. And thus began my sleepless night.

Here's a setup to go along with last night's events:
When I moved in to my place in July '07, my bedroom already had an AC unit in the wall below the window. It still works. However, its signature move is shooting out tiny pieces of frozen water, otherwise known as ice, onto my hardwood floor. Annoying after about 30 seconds.

Last summer, I purchased a window unit, as the AC/ice machine was driving me bonkers. I kept the other unit in the wall for one reason: if I remove it, there's a large hole in the wall. When the warm weather ended last year, I removed the new window unit. The room looked a little odd with one AC on top of another.

Fast forward to yesterday. A heat wave in an old house is rough and I don't want to call the hotline that's reserved for senior citizens without air. I tried to get through it with the window open and fan blowing but eventually had to make a move. It was 1 am and I had no desire to install the window AC, which was sitting in a far away land in my basement. So I plugged in the old wall AC.

Four hours of ice on floor go by. I can't take it anymore. I open the window. Loudest bird in the history of ornithology decides to settle outside of my window. Monster-sized bird chirps are then followed by what had to be an army tank driving down my street. There's only one option left to get some sleep before the work week officially begins. I shut the window. I sweat it out for a few hours in silence.

I am falling asleep at my desk today. I despise heat, birds, air conditioners, ice, and traffic. Good night.

Mets Fans Boo Blind Man

The New York Mets opened their new ballpark, Bailout Field, last night with a 6-5 loss to the San Diego Padres. That's swell news.

What's better is the fans booed New York Governor David Paterson, who is legally blind:

Wow, there is someone Mets fans hate more than Oliver Perez: New York governor David Paterson. Paterson was booed mercilessly when introduced before the game. So was just about every other state politician they announced (you get the feeling fans didn't necessarily know all of them, and didn't really care. when in doubt, boo the pols).

I don't want to hear any complaining when Philly fans boo Vince Fumo during pre-game ceremonies. Got it?

Harry Kalas, A Childhood Memory

I've lost a piece of my childhood today. Harry Kalas, longtime Phillies broadcaster, passed away at the age of 73.

As a 25-year-old Phils fan, I didn't have many great baseball memories prior to 2007 and with the exception of the '93 season. But Harry was the one constant. No matter how many losses, Harry's voice always made it better. It is irreplaceable. For me, it represents the voice of summer and the nights when I could stay up late as a child and watch all nine innings.

It sounds corny but perhaps Harry's passing today was the reason the Phils were able to pull through last year and win the World Series. Someone up there knew it would be his last October on Earth and rallied the team to a championship. It is only fitting that Harry went out a world champion. He will be missed. My summers will never be the same.

Easter Resurrecting?

Fact: Easter is the weakest of all holidays in terms of fun and general awesomeness. No time off from work. No office holiday parties. Wearing nice clothes. No presents, at least for someone my age. The only good part is the airing of The Ten Commandments starring that gun-toting Moses character.

Despite all of the holiday's shortfalls, yesterday's Easter Mass delivered beyond all expectations as Reverend Vincent was a regular Don Rickles on the stage, er, altar. He began with this gem:

A couple is killed the day before they were to get married.
They see St. Peter in Heaven and tell him they want to get married.
St. Pete says he'll see what he can do.
Ten years later, St. Pete approaches the couple and says it's time for them to get married.
Not longer after they are married, the couple finds St. Pete and asks for a divorce.
St. Pete says, "It took me ten years to get a preacher up here. How long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?" ZING!

He ended Mass with some cautionary advice:

"Don't drink and drive. There are alot of cops around."

Awesome. Easter, you just moved up on my list.

Amen.

Fan Misbehavior: It Happens Everywhere!

It happened several decades ago. Yet, the Santa/snowball incident is still the first thing many sports journalists refer to when covering a game in Philadelphia. As a Philly fan with a sense of humor, I can usually laugh it off, until it segues into a lecture about how awful the city's fans are (I'm looking at you, TJ Simmers). Because, let's face it, incidents happen everywhere. In Chicago. In L.A. Even in sweet, old Minnesota. Just a few examples.

I am in no way saying all Philly fans are angels. Things happen. I was disappointed to see fellow Phillies fans getting into a scuffle during the World F. Champions banner-raising ceremony at Opening Night. Seriously dudes? It was supposed to be a time of joy where grown men, strangers even, say "I love you" to one another.

But picking on Philadelphia seems to be the national pastime for journalists everywhere. So with that said, I'll be keeping a list and checking it twice (see what I did there, the Santa reference) of all the wild fan mishaps in other cities.

And what a way to start. North of the border. Toronto:
Beer and alcohol sales were banned at the Tigers-Blue Jays game Tuesday night, a day after their season opener was delayed when unruly fans littered the field with baseballs and debris.

Let me get this straight. We're one game in to the season and there's an alcohol ban already? That's awesome. And the Blue Jays won the game!

Documenting My 2009 MLB Predictions

Last year, I picked Detroit to win the World Series so I'm obviously pretty awesome at forecasting success.

Division Champs
NL East: Mets- it hurt to type that
NL Central: Cubs- division stinks
NL West: Dodgers- only team that can hit baseballs
AL East: Red Sox- best pitching staff, worst accents
AL Central: Twins- I have an inexpicable love for Minnesota
AL West: Athletics- Bobby Abreu is the Angels' new RF

Wild Card Bitches!
NL: Marlins- Hanley Ramirez is sweet
AL: Rays- banking on last year not being an aberration

LCS
NL: Cubs over Dodgers- the stars are aligning
AL: Rays over Red Sox- Rays officially become more hated in New England than the Yankees

World Series
Rays over Cubs- stars stop short of aligning

See what happens when you let Pat Burrell walk? I'm talking to you Ruben Amaro.

Important Things On the Mind

Flipped through this week's City Paper this morning. On page 3, we have an ad for an Allman Brothers concert in Camden this summer. Two pages later, we have an ad for a New Kids On the Block concert, also in Camden, this summer. That's two different audiences, neither of which are probably reading this fine alternative news weekly. But hey, it's all good. The Allman Brothers were great back in the days before my conception and before Duane was killed. And NKOTB kicked it funky-style when I was a young lad. I don't even know what that last sentence means.

Mailed a check for my parking ticket yesterday. On the memo line I wrote, "Parking in Philadelphia is awful." I sure showed the PPA with that one! But seriously, parking in this city blows chunks.

So NBC finally pulls the plug on ER tonight. Ha. Unintentional euthanasia jokes rule! I feel like I've been hearing about the ER series finale for five years now. Glad to see Doggie Howser, MD is returning for the last episode.

Seriously can't get over the ShamWow guy and his little run-in with a prostitute. This of course put in him jail. It also got me thinking about the world's greatest infomercials. For me, nothing tops this guy and the product that makes you look extremely awkward as you exercise.

Not happy about the latest news from Sixers camp. Thaddeus Young will miss the last few games of the season and possibly some of the playoffs. That really hurts the chances of pulling a first round upset. Side note: I have not attended one Sixers game this season. There's something about this team I don't like.

Lastly, there's a pretty sweet exhibition coming to Philaldephia this weekend. Galileo, The Medici and the Age of Astronomy hits The Franklin, April 4 - September 7. As an asipiring astronaut, I am excited.

The Weekend In Review

Friday
6:30 pm: Departed Philadelphia for beautiful Pennsauken, NJ, home of the first drive-in theater.

7 pm: Celebrated Lent by eating three slices of pizza and a plate of specially-cooked peppers and eggs.

8:30 pm: Decided to stay in for in the evening.

8:31 pm: Received text message from good friend that reads, "If we go to Bryson's, u do dat?"

8:32 pm: Decided to go to Bryson's but laid on the couch for another half hour.

9:30 pm: Arrived at Bryson's bar in Pennsauken. Met up with high school buddies. Watched college basketball.

10 pm: Huge pick-up truck with the loudest and most obnoxious horn pulls up outside of bar. John Runyan exits truck and enters bar. Makes his way through crowd, chats it up with ex-Eagle Sean Considine, who is sitting across the bar from us. Considine is small. Runyan is large. That's chest bump worthy.

Midnight: Basketball ends, I leave bar for bed.

12:30 am: Can't fall asleep. For some reason, I am intrigued by Hostel II. Watch up until the end. Big mistake. Worst movie ever. Right up there with Gigli. Not that I ever watched it or anything.

Saturday
8:30 am: Sister knocks on door, asks if I'm up. I get up.

10:15 am: Leave house for Bolt Bus station in Cherry Hill.

11 am: Hop on the Bolt Bus for the very first time. It's packed. Headed to NYC with Mom, Dad and Sis.

12:45 pm: Arrive in Manhattan. Cab it to hotel.

2 pm: Head out for late lunch with family. Concierge recommends Comfort Diner a few blocks away.

2:15 pm: Ate a delicious BLT. A guy straight out of Top Gun enters diner. Can't tell if he's really in the military or mentally challenged.

3-5 pm: Instead of roaming the streets of Manhattan, I head back to hotel to take a nap.

6 pm: Arrived at Pomaire for dinner. Chilean. Devoured chicken casserole in under 8 minutes.

8 pm: Arrived at August Wilson Theater on Broadway for Jersey Boys- our anniversary gift to my parents.

10:30 pm: Impressed by performance. Didn't know Joe Pesci introduced the Four Seasons. Can't stop singing Sherry and Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You.

7-10 pm: Missed the Pitt/Villanova game. It turned out to only be the best game of the tournament thus far. No big deal.

11:30 pm: Hit up hotel bar for a drink. Felt good to wear Phillies hat in NYC.

12:30 am: Bed.

Sunday
8-11 am: Woke up early but laid in bed. Ate breakfast that dad and sister bought.

12:30 pm: Departed NYC for Cherry Hill.

2:15 pm: Arrived in Cherry Hill. Canadian goose sitting in front of dad's car. Doesn't want to move. Dad loses battle and backs out of spot.

3-7 pm: Laid around at parent's house, watched Michigan State upset Louisville, watched UNC destroy Oklahoma. Correctly predicted three out of four Final 4 teams. Hail storm hits region. I ignore warnings and don't take cover.

7:15 pm: Dad drives me back to Philly.

Monday
Still tired.

Saved By the Bell: The Tori Paradox

What's the name of Slater's pet chameleon? What did Zack get on his SAT's? Who's car did Jesse's brother crash? I like to think I would destroy anyone in a game of Saved By The Bell trivia, even Zack Morris himself. I list that claim under "additional skills" on my resume, which probably explains why I can't get work. Oh well.

Despite knowing all things Bayside, one explanation I never came across or bothered to research was that of Tori's appearance during the gang's senior year, which coincided with the absences of both Kelly and Jessie. I had an intellectual conversation about this with my better half the other day. She didn't know either.

We both acknowlegded that Tori probably had a penis given the way she walked and the fact that she rocked a leather jacket and drove a motorcycle. But we didn't know if it was ever revealed why she appeared on the show.

After literally 8 seconds of googling, I came across the Saved By the Bell wikipedia page, which contains a section titled "The Tori Paradox." And there it was. A contract dispute. The cast was under contract for 13 episodes for the gang's senior year at Bayside. However, NBC ordered more episodes and Jessie and Kelly refused to sign on, probably because they both were preparing for sluttier roles in the near future. Jessie of course went on to star in Showgirls, which pretty much ended any chance of her acting again. And Kelly moved to Beverly Hills, 90210, where she whored it up with guys with sideburns. Enter Tori, who was about 100 levels below Kelly in all apsects of life. Nice effort, NBC.

So there you have it. Nothing wildly awesome, you say? SBTB is always awesome. Especially this guy. Enjoy.

The Weekend, Everybody's Workin' For It

As usual, no huge plans this weekend. I'll indulge in some beer drinking as Philly Beer Week kicks off tonight and runs through March 15. I believe that's longer than 7 days but I'll let it slide this time. South Philly seems like quite the appealing hood to get my brew on. Philadelphia claims to be America's best beer-drinking city. I am neither confirming nor denying that claim as I haven't visited many other big cities to compare. But Philly knows what's up when it comes to beer. Lots of weird beers around that cause the city's hipsters to go wild with delight in their flannel shirts and mega-tight jeans

Flyers game Saturday night. Sitting in a club box. Praying it's one of those free food and drink boxes. NHL playoffs are right around the corner and the Flyers are right in the thick of things once again this season. Love the NHL playoffs. Watching overtime games late in to the night, celebrating goals, cursing the TV. What better way to spend the next few months?

The most exciting part of my weekend could very well be reading my advanced copies of the New York Times travel section and New York Times Magazine over a mimosa.

Oh and sunbathing nude in Rittenhouse Square Sunday if the weather forecast holds true. See you there!

Things Currently In My Inbox

I am an email maniac. Nothing bothers me more than having too many messages in my inbox. I delete them as soon as possible. But sometimes, certain emails are worth saving for my own amusement. For example, the unopened gem I received at my work address with the subject line: Danny Bonaduce Invites You To Myspace. That is gold. Bonaduce is the man. And if I had a Myspace account, I would absolutely be his friend and he would be in my top 10, or top 8, or top 20, whatever Myspace does.

Another email that I'm saving for the rest of my life is from my old roommate, Jochen. He hails from Germany and moved back there last summer after a stint in Philadelphia. I responded to a previous email he sent and received this spectacular auto reponse:

Hallo, ich bin bis 15. Januar nicht im KSRM und werde meine Emails so bald als moeglich beantworten. Mit freundlichen Gruessen Jochen

Which, because I speak German fluently, I translated to:

Hello I'm out of office until the 15th of January and will not be reading my mail for a while. I will answer your message as soon as possible. If this is Anthony Malerba, I love you and miss you. Hugs and Kisses. Kind regards
Jochen

I miss you too, Jochen. I miss you too.

Ways To Amuse Yourself In the Office...

...send emails that will absolutely make someone question your mental state.

I sent this one to my boss today:

XXXXXX:

I was considering emailing the March monthly media update to the staff, rather than print out 50 copies like I have in the past. Someone mistakenly referred to me as a “tree killer” after I printed out last month’s update. However, I can assure you I’m no hippie tree-hugger. I just thought, given the current economic conditions, it would be wise to refrain from mass printing. And if I save a few trees in the process, I can take solace in knowing that I just increased my chances of making it to Heaven.

Let me know what you think.

Anthony

If only the trees knew what I did for them today.

Sad Day

Although it's not yet official, it appears as though Brian Dawkins has played his last game as a Philadelphia Eagle. 13 years, countless memories.

I was hopeful the Eagles would stray from their usual practices and show loyalty to the future hall of famer. However, I'm not completely surprised by this news. It's business as usual for the Eagles front office. They're an organization that's notorious for letting veteran players go elsewhere in favor of getting younger players on the field. Dawk, 35, is no doubt on the downside of his career. But it's hard to find many guys who are better than he is right now at his position.

No one will ever match Dawkins' intensity and passion on the football field. One of my favorite Dawk highlights occurred at a 2002 game at Veterans Stadium against the Giants. I got into the game with a counterfeit ticket. Side note: I miss the Vet. So easy to sneak in to games. Dawkins absolutely leveled Giants WR Ike Hilliard, dislocating Hilliard's shoulder in the process.

It was those kind of hits that made opposing players think twice about going over the middle. It will be difficult to replace the swagger that Dawk brought to the defense. Now who will make Tony Romo collapse in the shower after an Eagles game?

Reflecting on all the great Eagles moments this decade, the ones that stand out the most are watching games with friends and simultaneously jumping out of our seats after a Dawkins hit. That is what he makes you do as a fan.

Farewell Weapon X. Wish you could have won a Super Bowl here.

Baseball, How I've Missed Thee

Kind of weird that your WFC Phillies play their first exhibition game this afternoon in Florida. After all, it seems like yesterday they were parading down Broad Street celebrating with millions of Phils fans (fights back tears). It's surreal to read season previews that ask the question, "can the Phillies repeat?" So this is what it's like when the team you love wins a championship? It's a nice feeling.

As for whether or not the Phillies can reapeat, history suggests no. It hasn't been done since the Yankees won three consecutive 'ships from 1998-2000, when they still developed players instead of overpaying for obese pitchers and roid ragers. That won't take the optimisim out of the air in Philadelphia, though. And motivation shouldn't be a problem for a loose team that overcame late season deficits to win the NL East and surge in to the playoffs two years in a row.

Sadly, one guy who won't be back this season is the man, the myth, the legend, Pat the Bat Burrell. Phils fans had a love/hate relationship with him. Ladies had nothing but sweet, sweet love for him. I'll certainly miss him. For all the crap he took during his time in red and white, the guy never complained. More importantly, he delivered in the biggest at bat of his life, and his last with the Phils.

So here's to a new year. If all goes according to plan, I'll be right back here again in late October.

It's Just You and Me, Treadmill

I recently became a paying gym member for the first time of my young, awesome, in-shape life. After weeks of weighing the pros and cons, I finally decided it would be good for someone in his mid-20's to be able to walk up the stairs without running out of breath.

I miss the days of running around forever without getting tired, and the days where I had enough time to do so. But with the full-time gig going on and the fact that my friends who I always balled with live in the next state over, I needed an alternative. Rittenhouse Fitness Club was the lucky winner. No meatheads, within walking distance, affordable.

My routine has been light so far. A few miles on the treadmill followed by some upper body machine exercises. Sometimes I'm sore, so I know it's working. When I'm not, I still feel better. So, a month in, this gym rat considers it a success.

My legs hurt.

Bobby Knight, Part II

I attended the Drexel/Loyola-Maryland basketball game at the DAC Saturday afternoon. Before the game, I had heard the rumors about the coaching style of Loyola's head man, Jimmy Patsos. He is quite the colorful coach, to say the least, and Saturday's game confirmed that. Sitting behind the Loyola bench, I heard every f bomb he directed at his players and the refs during play and during timeouts. It was awesome. Patsos was not cursing in a calm manner, either. It was a yellfest filled with lots of spit.

I'm a huge college basketball fan but given the fact that Loyola is not in the national spotlight, I had not heard much of Patsos. Earlier this season, he coached a game from the stands to avoid getting a second technical foul, and thus, ejected from the game. He also caused a stir when, in a game earlier this season, he directed his team to double-team an opposing player the entire game. The player did not score a point but Loyola still lost by 30.

Despite his antics, Patsos is highly regarded in the Baltimore area and in the Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference, where his team competes. Loyola won just one game in the season prior to Patsos' arrival. In his fifth season as head coach, he has lead the team to three straight winning seasons. Before coming to Loyola, Patsos was an assistant coach at the University of Maryland for 13 years, including the 2001-02 season when UM won the national championship.

Patsos received a technical foul Saturday but did not coach from the bleachers, much to my dismay.

To Facebook Or Not To Facebook?

That is the question. I know I'm about three years behind the game but with everyone and their mother now on Facebook, I've been considering joining. The problem is my mom is a facebooker. A crazy, rabid facebooker. The concept of my mom as a social networker is shocking. Soon she'll be on Twitter signing all of her tweets with XOXO.

I guess I should have prepared for this, though, as her digital savvy has been evolving for quite some time. Downloading ringtones, taking photos with her digital camera and even uploading them to her PC, using her cell phone camera and what not. It's wild.

But with all that said, my mom is awesome. And although I dread the possibility of her having yet another way to communicate with me, I'm glad she actually still cares about what's going on in my life. And maybe, just maybe, if I join Facebook, I can stop going home to visit.

On second thought, there's nothing wrong with a home-cooked meal and exceptional laundry service. I love my mom.

Email Follies Galore!

It's a short work week indeed but that hasn't stopped the office from partaking in some awesome email exchanges.

It all started when a colleague forwarded me an email from a college student who wanted to discuss advertising out of his North Jersey house. I am yet to respond but it may go something like this, "Hey stoner, stop scheming for extra pot money and hit the books."

Later in the day, someone not in our company responded to an email that was sent only to our entire company. The phrase, "Jimmy loves hotdogs" was included in said email. News flash pal, every American loves hotdogs.

Lastly, the ish really hit the fan when random non-employees began emailing the big boss to unsubscribe them from our company email blasts. That probably pissed the big boss off. But it turns out those people really wanted to unsubscribe from their own company's email list. Talk about being a disgruntled employee. Jokes on you, PASO.

Oh and a word to the wise, read your email from the bottom up to avoid asking a question that's already been answered on the email chain. Too much of that going on lately.

Late Night Notes

I couldn't fall asleep last night so I watched Conan O'Brien for the first time in a long time. He previewed a few hidden satellite TV channels that could easily top the primetime Neilsen Ratings. My favorites were the Sexual Harassment Skeleton Channel, the Potato Judge Channel and the Lincoln Money Shot Channel, which would offend any true historian or anyone with morals. Oddly enough, I picked up a pen and wrote the channel titles in the back of my copy of A People's History of the United States, so I wouldn't forget them.

Upon further review, he's shown the Lincoln Money Shot Channel in shows as far back as the Andy Richter days. And since the internet can't provide the video from the more recent show, here is the old clip.

Ahh it was nice to laugh with Conan again.

Better Late Than Never

A few weeks ago, I attended a journalist conference in Philadelphia hosted by the National Association of Hispanic Journalists and the Philadelphia Association of Black Journalists. To my knowledge, I am neither black nor Hispanic, so of course I was the ideal attendee. Anyway, the conference was designed to give journalists (I'm also not a journalist) a crash course on new media and social media. Although I stayed for only one-third of the day, I left motivated, thanks in large part to Ju-Don Roberts of washingtonpost.com. Roberts opened the conference with an insightful presentation about social media.

As someone who works in the marketing industry, it's important for me to use the social media tools that are available, if for anything, just to learn how they work. And to be honest, I'd like to start documenting my every day experiences a bit more often. My memory just ain't what it used to be. So, here I go...