Are You Smoking Yet?

I caught this retro-ish full-page ad while flipping through the May 18th issue of Sports Illustrated (ManRam on the cover). I don't know about you, but seeing these two lovebirds makes me want to smoke an entire pack of Newport cigarettes in 6 minutes. They seem so happy together during their daytime bike ride on grass.

It also looks like the guy has a hand growing out of his neck, which makes this even more awesome.

Questioning My Manhood

I attended the Opening Night performance of The Producers this week at the Walnut Street Theater. Up until then, the only knowledge I had of the show came from season four of Curb Your Enthusiasm, when Mel Brooks casts Larry David for the lead role- Max Bialystock. Hilarity ensues (gets good at the 7:00 mark of the Curb clip).

But I don't need to write about how good the show I saw this week was. It's been around for 40 years. Obviously, someone likes it.

What I really need to get out there in the blogosphere is that I'm a scared young lad. That's two theater shows for me in two months and another just a few days away. I'm way above my average of seeing 0 shows per year.

Why do I have this sudden urge to break out in song when talking about casual things like what I'm going to eat for lunch or how our online advertising performed last quarter?

Help.

Dallas Mavs And Denver Nuggets Don't Get Along

Wow. Two consecutive days with NBA posts. Pigs of the non-swine-flu-infected-kind must be flying everywhere.

This series has turned nasty and it seems as though Mark Cuban and Kenyon Martin are the ones driving the angry bus:

It seems that things at the American Airlines Center were actually much uglier than we realized last night. In addition to Vazquez, Maverick fans got into shouting matches with Kenyon Martin's mom (there was even a report that someone threw a beer on her) and Martin's girlfriend, Trina. Martin himself was distracted by the incidents during the game and a Denver assistant actually went into the stands during the game to check on their own fans.

I didn't know Carmelo is engaged to that annoying chick from MTV- for four years! Seriously dude just marry the broad already.

NBA Playoff Beer Muscles Out In Full Force

Lotta extracurricular activity going on during these NBA Playoffs and I'm not sure how I feel about it. And as the linked article points out, the officials are confused, too.

On the one hand, I enjoy physical basketball. They don't call me The Worm for nothing. But I get the sense that many of today's players care more about how they're perceived than winning. Translation: most of them can't deal with a little foul here and there and have to be the tough guy when their chest is gently grazed by an opponent's elbow (sounds sexy).

This certainly isn't the first year there's been scuffles in the playoffs, though.

The classic battles between the Bulls, Knicks and Pacers during the Jordan Years come to mind. Reggie Miller, John Starks, and Dennis Rodman- some people may think they were punks. I think their physicality stemmed from their genuine passion for winning.

Going back even earlier to the Bad Boys of Detroit- Bill Lambier, Isaiah Thomas, Rick Mahorn, Rodman. The only way that Pistons team could win a championship was by beating up its opponents. And it worked. They played the game that way because they had to. How else can you beat the Jordans, the Birds and the Magic Johnsons?

Going back to the point I made earlier, I think alot of what we're seeing during these playoffs is fake. The elbows to the head, the slaps across the face, the running through picks- none of it is necessary.

I will say, however, that I enjoy watching Ron Artest. He is one of the few NBA stars who works hard on both ends of the court (and sometimes in the stands). He plays defense, he rebounds and he won't be pushed around.

And that's Artest's game. Unfortunately, many others don't realize that kind of game isn't for everyone.

Can't believe I just wrote that much about the NBA. I don't even like it. Or do I? Damn now I'm confused. Knicks suck.