The Weekend In Review

Friday
6:30 pm: Departed Philadelphia for beautiful Pennsauken, NJ, home of the first drive-in theater.

7 pm: Celebrated Lent by eating three slices of pizza and a plate of specially-cooked peppers and eggs.

8:30 pm: Decided to stay in for in the evening.

8:31 pm: Received text message from good friend that reads, "If we go to Bryson's, u do dat?"

8:32 pm: Decided to go to Bryson's but laid on the couch for another half hour.

9:30 pm: Arrived at Bryson's bar in Pennsauken. Met up with high school buddies. Watched college basketball.

10 pm: Huge pick-up truck with the loudest and most obnoxious horn pulls up outside of bar. John Runyan exits truck and enters bar. Makes his way through crowd, chats it up with ex-Eagle Sean Considine, who is sitting across the bar from us. Considine is small. Runyan is large. That's chest bump worthy.

Midnight: Basketball ends, I leave bar for bed.

12:30 am: Can't fall asleep. For some reason, I am intrigued by Hostel II. Watch up until the end. Big mistake. Worst movie ever. Right up there with Gigli. Not that I ever watched it or anything.

Saturday
8:30 am: Sister knocks on door, asks if I'm up. I get up.

10:15 am: Leave house for Bolt Bus station in Cherry Hill.

11 am: Hop on the Bolt Bus for the very first time. It's packed. Headed to NYC with Mom, Dad and Sis.

12:45 pm: Arrive in Manhattan. Cab it to hotel.

2 pm: Head out for late lunch with family. Concierge recommends Comfort Diner a few blocks away.

2:15 pm: Ate a delicious BLT. A guy straight out of Top Gun enters diner. Can't tell if he's really in the military or mentally challenged.

3-5 pm: Instead of roaming the streets of Manhattan, I head back to hotel to take a nap.

6 pm: Arrived at Pomaire for dinner. Chilean. Devoured chicken casserole in under 8 minutes.

8 pm: Arrived at August Wilson Theater on Broadway for Jersey Boys- our anniversary gift to my parents.

10:30 pm: Impressed by performance. Didn't know Joe Pesci introduced the Four Seasons. Can't stop singing Sherry and Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You.

7-10 pm: Missed the Pitt/Villanova game. It turned out to only be the best game of the tournament thus far. No big deal.

11:30 pm: Hit up hotel bar for a drink. Felt good to wear Phillies hat in NYC.

12:30 am: Bed.

Sunday
8-11 am: Woke up early but laid in bed. Ate breakfast that dad and sister bought.

12:30 pm: Departed NYC for Cherry Hill.

2:15 pm: Arrived in Cherry Hill. Canadian goose sitting in front of dad's car. Doesn't want to move. Dad loses battle and backs out of spot.

3-7 pm: Laid around at parent's house, watched Michigan State upset Louisville, watched UNC destroy Oklahoma. Correctly predicted three out of four Final 4 teams. Hail storm hits region. I ignore warnings and don't take cover.

7:15 pm: Dad drives me back to Philly.

Monday
Still tired.

Saved By the Bell: The Tori Paradox

What's the name of Slater's pet chameleon? What did Zack get on his SAT's? Who's car did Jesse's brother crash? I like to think I would destroy anyone in a game of Saved By The Bell trivia, even Zack Morris himself. I list that claim under "additional skills" on my resume, which probably explains why I can't get work. Oh well.

Despite knowing all things Bayside, one explanation I never came across or bothered to research was that of Tori's appearance during the gang's senior year, which coincided with the absences of both Kelly and Jessie. I had an intellectual conversation about this with my better half the other day. She didn't know either.

We both acknowlegded that Tori probably had a penis given the way she walked and the fact that she rocked a leather jacket and drove a motorcycle. But we didn't know if it was ever revealed why she appeared on the show.

After literally 8 seconds of googling, I came across the Saved By the Bell wikipedia page, which contains a section titled "The Tori Paradox." And there it was. A contract dispute. The cast was under contract for 13 episodes for the gang's senior year at Bayside. However, NBC ordered more episodes and Jessie and Kelly refused to sign on, probably because they both were preparing for sluttier roles in the near future. Jessie of course went on to star in Showgirls, which pretty much ended any chance of her acting again. And Kelly moved to Beverly Hills, 90210, where she whored it up with guys with sideburns. Enter Tori, who was about 100 levels below Kelly in all apsects of life. Nice effort, NBC.

So there you have it. Nothing wildly awesome, you say? SBTB is always awesome. Especially this guy. Enjoy.

The Weekend, Everybody's Workin' For It

As usual, no huge plans this weekend. I'll indulge in some beer drinking as Philly Beer Week kicks off tonight and runs through March 15. I believe that's longer than 7 days but I'll let it slide this time. South Philly seems like quite the appealing hood to get my brew on. Philadelphia claims to be America's best beer-drinking city. I am neither confirming nor denying that claim as I haven't visited many other big cities to compare. But Philly knows what's up when it comes to beer. Lots of weird beers around that cause the city's hipsters to go wild with delight in their flannel shirts and mega-tight jeans

Flyers game Saturday night. Sitting in a club box. Praying it's one of those free food and drink boxes. NHL playoffs are right around the corner and the Flyers are right in the thick of things once again this season. Love the NHL playoffs. Watching overtime games late in to the night, celebrating goals, cursing the TV. What better way to spend the next few months?

The most exciting part of my weekend could very well be reading my advanced copies of the New York Times travel section and New York Times Magazine over a mimosa.

Oh and sunbathing nude in Rittenhouse Square Sunday if the weather forecast holds true. See you there!

Things Currently In My Inbox

I am an email maniac. Nothing bothers me more than having too many messages in my inbox. I delete them as soon as possible. But sometimes, certain emails are worth saving for my own amusement. For example, the unopened gem I received at my work address with the subject line: Danny Bonaduce Invites You To Myspace. That is gold. Bonaduce is the man. And if I had a Myspace account, I would absolutely be his friend and he would be in my top 10, or top 8, or top 20, whatever Myspace does.

Another email that I'm saving for the rest of my life is from my old roommate, Jochen. He hails from Germany and moved back there last summer after a stint in Philadelphia. I responded to a previous email he sent and received this spectacular auto reponse:

Hallo, ich bin bis 15. Januar nicht im KSRM und werde meine Emails so bald als moeglich beantworten. Mit freundlichen Gruessen Jochen

Which, because I speak German fluently, I translated to:

Hello I'm out of office until the 15th of January and will not be reading my mail for a while. I will answer your message as soon as possible. If this is Anthony Malerba, I love you and miss you. Hugs and Kisses. Kind regards
Jochen

I miss you too, Jochen. I miss you too.

Ways To Amuse Yourself In the Office...

...send emails that will absolutely make someone question your mental state.

I sent this one to my boss today:

XXXXXX:

I was considering emailing the March monthly media update to the staff, rather than print out 50 copies like I have in the past. Someone mistakenly referred to me as a “tree killer” after I printed out last month’s update. However, I can assure you I’m no hippie tree-hugger. I just thought, given the current economic conditions, it would be wise to refrain from mass printing. And if I save a few trees in the process, I can take solace in knowing that I just increased my chances of making it to Heaven.

Let me know what you think.

Anthony

If only the trees knew what I did for them today.